"All The World's A Stage
And all the men and women merely players"

my fave Shakespeare quote...

Factory Girl

Saw this surprisingly good movie the other day. A compelling story of the friendship/relationship between Edie Sedgwick and Andy Warhol. I was swept by the entire movie, but one line from the Andy Warhol character was deeply etched in my mind and it goes like this:

“Being detached is an easier way to live”

Word.

Life in the Pits

Comfort food: nothing, no appetite
Comfort drink: hot green tea
Comfort songs: Beatles
Comfort activity: being with my genuine friends

Life can only get better hereforth ~

mmm...

Soft jazz music in the background
An oversized, extra comfy armchair
A cup of delicious hot chocolate in my hand
I'm in a heaven called Starbucks

In a world of uncertainty and unforeseen changes,
This is where I seek my solitary comfort
I know what my drink will taste like;
I know where I want to sit
I know what I’ll be doing
And the friendly service I'll be getting

No matter the day of the week,
It feels really good to know
That Starbucks is always welcoming
And everything is exactly the way I want it to be.

Blue October Rocks My Socks!

Revisited: Values and the World of Ebay

I love eBay; I'm a big fan. I love the endless possibilities it has brought into my life. I can now make money off my old VCDs instead of seeing them buried under a thick layer of dust. I love the many doors it has opened up. Judging from the success of the company, I'm definitely not alone in reveling in the wonders of eBay.

One recent comment made me revisit my values which had unwittingly changed with the evolution of online auction. I have always been in the habit of developing hasty passions. 10 years ago, I thought it would be really cool if I can be a guitarist. With that in mind, I trotted into a guitar shop and bought a relatively expensive yet cool-looking acoustic guitar. 10 weeks later, I decided I neither have the talent nor patience for it. Like my many other impulse purchases, it got shoved to a corner of my room. A year later, my best friend picked up the same interest. I remembered my ‘abandoned’ guitar and insisted she take it (pocket money was limited and hence this was a nice gesture). In fact, I literally shoved the guitar into her hands. Fast forward to today, I may still want her to take my guitar, but I may also be open to the idea of selling it to her at a discount (on eBay).

How Can You Do This To Me?

I have to make a conscious effort
To block out all thoughts of you
I need to get them out of my head
Mental pictures of you laughing in my face

I have always been in perfect control
Knowing exactly what my next step is
Now my limit sell orders wouldn't trigger
I'm at a complete loss

Oh you infuriating sub-prime woes!
Spreading your long arms far and wide
Drying up liquidity and driving away investors
Why do you mock me so?

My hands are tied as I silently watch you
Unleash your fury upon those who dared cross your path
Just turn around, do it soon!
And bring us back the good old post-summer bull...

a little home called Heart

You live by yourself most of the time, independent and carefree
You have the autonomy to design your little home
Any way you want it, with little pots of flowers and sunshine pouring in

Occasionally when you feel the time is right
You let someone in
And like a little child, excitement bubbled inside you

You watch him keenly as he navigates his way around
In eager anticipation,
You wonder if he'll fit right in

Yet there’s that little voice that cautions
That innate fear and that fervent hope
Praying that he doesn't break anything
In your little home called Heart

Dead or Alive

I guess I can consider myself lucky
I had experienced pure, wholehearted love in my life
When that died, I vowed never to love again
I built walls around my heart, careful not to give away too much
Anything, to ensure I will not be vulnerable again
This worked out well;
I was carefree, worry-free and most of all happy.

Till someone pointed out to me
True happiness is to feel alive
And to feel alive is to love
To take the good with the bad,
To savor the sweetness and feel the pain
So I took the plunge
Into the deep, dark throes of the unknown
You have showed me all,
Exposed me to everything

Yes, I am alive
But I'd rather be the living dead
If the stabbing pain is this hard to bear
I don't want to hurt inside, don't want to cry no more
I don't ask for much
Just a simple life, and perhaps a simple love

Reminiscing Pitts

Remembering a time when love was pure and life was simple
We'd scrape the ice from your Jetta,
Trudge through snow hand in hand
It was happiness back then

I'd stand by the window when I hear your car
Just to see you walk towards the door
You'd smile and wave
It was heart warming back then

We'd camp at West Virginia
Rock at Dave Matthews Band concert
I'd watch you play softball and cheer you on at soccer
It was carefree back then

We'd have homefries at Pamela's
Sip French onion soup at Panera's
I'd make you sing our song and watch videos from Star Base One
It was sweet back then

We'd have Rita's gelato in the summer
Slurp on Dave and Andy's with its little M&M at the bottom
We'd catch the movies at Loews and have dinner at Tram's after
Remembering a time when life was pure and love was simple...

A feeling

Sitting on a ledge
Gazing with unseeing eyes
Across the vast expanse of the sky
So empty is the feeling of loneliness

To be unloved when I've been loved
To be untold when I've been told
To forget what I've been shown
So lonely is the feeling of emptiness

Last Kiss

I remember when I first heard from you
Not too long ago, just a few months back
My blood was pumping
My heart was racing
Excitement bubbling in me as I clicked on your email with trembling hands

Ever since that fateful day, I’ve been living in eager anticipation for the day we can finally meet
I heard you on air
I saw your videos online
You make my head dizzy
You make my legs jelly
There was not a day that passed that you were not on my mind

Then not so long ago, the unthinkable happened
A pleasant turn of events, and my life changed

And now, I have little choice but to part ways with you
With a tearful eye, I gave you one last kiss
With an aching heart, I bid you a fond farewell

Goodbye my dearest Blue October concert ticket...

A Shoutout

I’ll be there for you
When you’re feeling sad
When you’re feeling lonely
In your hour of darkness
When you’re feeling lost
When you’re feeling perplexed
Or when you’re really stressed
When things are looking down
And when you’re real depressed
When you feel so alone
With dark clouds in your head
When the road ahead is blurred
Not knowing what tomorrow brings
When you’re feeling blue
Just have me in mind
Cause I’ll be there for you

Familiarity - Contempt

Every relationship starts out with a bang. Every couple has gone through that initial sweet, loving phase, commonly known as the ‘honeymoon period’. Even the most idealistic know that this honeymoon period is just a temporary stage and will fade in time to come. Why is this such a sure-fire thing? Does familiarity breed contempt?

As we spend more time with a person, we’ll gradually let our guards down and become more at ease and comfortable with the other party. True, the whole point of spending time with a person is to get to know him/her better. However, beware as this is a double-edged sword. As you become more at ease in his/her presence, your ‘human’ side will inevitably start to show. You’ll start to floss, fart, burp, wax in front of him/her, as you would have done when completely alone. While the conscious mind will say it’s a sign of progress for the relationship, the subconscious will tear away all fantasies or god-like images he/her previously had of you. You will soon cease to be the hot chick/stud in his/her eyes and you’d no longer be the coveted prize; rather, you’d just become someone who fits the bill for a life partner, stable yet dull. When that happens, the honeymoon period is officially over. Yes, all because familiarity does, to a certain degree, breed contempt. Word of advice: maintain that air of mystery, some things are meant to stay private.

(Bigtime disclaimer: the above is by no means representative of personal/real-life events. This article is a pure fabrication based on a common social observation.)

once...

A soft touch, an innocent kiss
Simple things that I once knew
A fallen tree, a broken branch
Could this be the place I used to love?

I see my reflection upon the river
My heart is bleeding, but where does it show?
O’ happy days! Where are you now?

Give me back the simple things that once made my heart sing

Bring me back the simple days that once put a smile on my face

These are a few of my favorite things

- my comfy bed, loaded with tons of pillows and stuffed toys
- heater and a big comforter in the winter
- my Sprint wireless broadband
- Meow, my baby kitty
- my new bathtub
- a hot shower
- a strong hair dryer
- my iPod
- my ever-reliable, easy-to-drive with great steering, IS300
- Ben’s pets (yep, all of them)
- black pepper crab (yum!)

Sex Tells

You make up, you dress up. You go on a date.
You are very well-mannered, remembering your p’s and q’s.
You are very pleasant, laughing at all his jokes.
You are at your best behavior, a notch up from your usual self.
Problem is, so is he.
How do you then find out the real him before anymore precious youth is wasted?
The answer is simple: have sex with him.

Sex is the best lie detector. It reveals his truest self.
A guy in bed is ruled by something other than his conscious mind.
You can tell in a heartbeat whether he’s selfish and demanding, or sweet and thoughtful;
Whether he’s a bold and confident, or shy and wimpy;
Whether he’s fun and adventurous, or safe and stable;
The list goes on.
Sex can help you find your match.
Not convinced? Try it.

Arctic Monkeys

Saw Arctic Monkeys at the Troubadour last night...hard young rockers with a unique sound..

but man, the lead vocalist is still underaged...how he makes me feel old...

A Day in Life...on Sunny Island Singapore

Sunday 4/15:
Lunch – Family at AMK Hub Soup Restaurant
Dinner – Jon’s wedding at Orchid Country Club

Monday 4/16:
Lunch – Meng at Cineleisure, followed by shopping on Orchard
Dinner – BBs at Wisma Food Republic, followed by Taka Coffee Club, and McCafe

Tuesday 4/17:
Lunch – BP and Chau Yee at Raffles Place Coffee Club
Dinner – Ernest at Casuarina Curry, followed by movie (Sunshine) at Cineleisure, and McCafe

Wednesday 4/18:
Lunch – Meng and Weide at AMK Hub (Prata)
Dinner – 5C gathering at Siglap Café Cartel, followed by coffee at NYDC with Keith

Thursday 4/19:
Lunch – Shaun at PS Café, followed by walk in Botanic Garden
Dinner – Roller blading with Kean at ECP, and scrumptious local food at Food Centre

Friday 4/20:
Dinner – Family at AMK crab, followed by Moon coming over to stay

Saturday 4/21:
Lunch – BBs at Plaza Sing Ichiban Sushi, followed by Starbucks and movie (Meet the Robinsons), followed by manicure with Ann
Dinner – Ann at Conrad Hotel, followed by foot massage
Night – clubbing with Keith and friends at Double O

Sunday 4/22:
Lunch – Meng and Weide at AMK S11, followed by temple visit and shopping at Bugis
Dinner – Family at Bedok (my fave mee hoon kuay)

Monday 4/23:
Afternoon – Shunwei at Tzu Chi, followed by brief hanging out with Meng at AMK Hub
Dinner – Roller blading with Kean at ECP, followed by scrumptious seafood dinner with Kean and Hongwei, and McCafe

Tuesday 4/24:
Lunch – BP and Jac at China Square, followed by visit to Adrian and David’s showcase with Leonard
Dinner – Meng and Weide at AMK Hub Ichiban Sushi, followed by coffee with Keith at McCafe

Grandpa, me and my sis

Me and Moon at AMK bus stop

Sometimes you can find Manhatten in Singapore too..

Cruising on a bike...

searching for

How much longer can my battered heart beat?

How many more relationships does it take
Before all resolve is broken and hope is lost?
How many times do I have to start over
And how much more pain must I bear?

Trudging down the trying path of love
I have long since lost sight of the goal
Where does it lead to and what am I searching for?
A great love? Kids? Someone else’s fantasy?

An answer that can never be found.

A Slice of Pain

I don’t know what to tell you
Not sure how to piece my words together
Distracted by thoughts of you
Running around like cockroaches in my head

That confession replaying like a broken record
I was mentally prepared but my mind was a blank
The hurting numbed my head
The cut was deep, too deep

The Green-eye Monster Speaks Up

Greed and selfishness are inherent in human nature. Yes, we like to possess and hang on to things. We don’t like to share. That’s why we expect monogamy in relationships.

Expectations of monogamy once turned me into a crazy, possessive bitch (which, as you can guess, killed my relationship that would otherwise have been great and lasted forever). It was a side of me that I never knew existed, very scary. Determined not to let that possessive side of me see the light of day ever again, I threw out all my girlish fantasies about love and decided to pursue eternal platonic friendships instead. Soon I realize having eternal platonic friendships is not a solution at all. Managing friendships to ensure they last forever is like having multiple relationships; it’s equally tiring and just as possessive, if not more. So why bother? Why even care? People come, people go. It’s beyond my control how long they’ll stay in my life. So why even try to hold on? It’s really not a bad idea to care less and let go. Just live for today, like there’s no tomorrow.

Lost & Found

Do you recall a time, not too long ago, when you were feeling passionately about something? And you constantly have those sudden urges to take on new undertakings and nothing is too daunting? I sure did, a lot of crazy things, big and small. The good old days where I had auditioned for a movie, learnt Taekwondo, picked up cross-stitching, took part in the Pyramid Game on TV, wrote to penpals all over the world, started rollerblading, bought a guitar (and stinks at it)…what happened to these impulses? The fiery passions that we once possessed got lost along the way as we grow up. The corporate world, and the responsibilities and struggles that come with age had robbed us of our true selves and the fire we once had in life. Since joining the workforce, we find our ‘interests’ converging as we concern ourselves with:

- coming up with the best ‘elevator talk’
- being politically correct
- pleasing the boss
- networking intensively and effectively
- finding ways to be ahead of the rat race

I got to know this guy recently. He’s unlike any I’ve ever known (in a long time): unique and untainted by the corporate evils. What I saw in him is a quality I greatly admire and lack: the ability to remain true to himself. He had gone through what I’m going through (corporate distress and life struggles), except things were a lot worse for him. Yet he had triumphed through all these without ever losing sight of who he is and where his passions lie. He was never lost and he never compromised. This takes a great deal of focus and courage. Inspired, I’m trying to find back the old me, get back in touch with my old self. Watch me, the fire will be rekindled.

Love Sweet Love...on Brokeback Mountain

There is no love like true love...even on Brokeback...

the sweet longing lingering in your heart that you can only keep hidden...
the hurt it causes when it can only stay deep within you...
the pain you feel when it yearns to be free, yet all you can do is suppress it...
love, sweet heart-wrenching love

Have You Made it?

You know you have made it when…

• After changing cars numerous times, you are finally a proud owner of brand new Ferarri.
• Your entrée choice in an upscale restaurant is no longer based on price.
• You no longer feel out of place in a LV store.
• The Black American Express card is a permanent resident in your purse/wallet.
• You are selling your private jet to Halle Berry (she's currently in the market for one).
• There is no longer a difference between work and leisure.
• You are always a welcomed VIP at the Bellagio.
• Your residential zip code is now 90210

When Life Takes A Beating, I Take On The Sims

Top 3 reasons The Sims is so popular (with me, at least):

• Unless you are the President of your own company (not publicly traded), you are basically under the control of someone else. To balance this unhealthy condition, The Sims is here to give you a chance for role reversal and let you be in control for once.

• Promotion is always easy in The Sims. The criteria are always clear: just increase your logic/creativity/body as needed.

• Days fly by in minutes. In real life, minutes crawl by like days.

Thumbs up to the creators of The Sims for giving me a channel to escape reality. I love my drug.

HCJC...The age of innocence

Out of the 9000+ days that I have lived, I can say with confidence that my 2 years in HCJC were the best days of my life.

Long gone were the innocent days where my only worries were:
- Do I look good?
- Is my hair out of place?- Will a cute guy talk to me today?
- Is my pimple obvious?

I missed everything about HCJC, the joy and hope it brought to my empty life:
- Super cute seniors
- Mass dance (hopefully with a cute senior)
- S65 table
- Stairwells behind the library (and the make-out sessions)
- Lecture Theatre 3 (and eating chicken rice in the back row)
- Pak Tee, our Math teacher (and how we bully him)
- Skipping tutorials (and nuahing at the S65 table)

The pain in my heart now as I think back is incomparable.

***inspired by a fellow hwa chongian ***

The World is a Vampire

Once upon a time, like all naïve undergraduates, I wanted very badly to be a part of Corporate America and live a high flying life….Now, 2 years down the road, all I can say to people like that is:

Welcome to the Jungle.

The corporate world is a vampire, full of blood suckers everywhere you go. I've attempted to categorize these suckers:

- Credit-taker-cum-finger-pointer: especially prominent at the top levels; that's how they 'shine' and get there; they're seemingly the perfectionist who has never made a single mistake in his/her career.

- Revenge-takers: these are the brainless fools who attack senselessly to make others look bad and always have the last say for his/her own deluded satisfaction; they are so unrelentless in their pursuit for revenge that they would be sending you daily nasty attacking emails just to make your life miserable; word of advice, keep these for you never know when you may need them.

- Leeches: they stick to their assumed 'rising stars' of the company and will be so sweet to you if you are one; of course, they would forget about you instantly or turn against you the moment you are out of favor with the big boys.

- Spies: watch out for these, everything you say or do will spread to places far beyond your imagination; these are the useless wimps who suffer from a serious attack of job insecurity; turning into spies gave them the false sense of security; a word to sum these fools up: pathetic.

Of course this list is not comprehensive; but if you work in a huge corporate firm, you can surely find these people lurking around the office.

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in the cage.